Important Message to all Readers.

Assalamu alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh,

 

I write this with a very red face. SubhanAllah I had NO idea that so many of you messaged me on here! For some reason I did not receive notifications. Not to mention that my laptop bust on me and I now have to write using a tiny tablet with tiny buttons. I sincerely apologise.

 

Anyway, I will now slowly work through all the messages. I hope you can both forgive me and bare patience with me. We are getting better at patience though right? Lol.

 

I also want to mention that…although I am mostly better Alhamdulilah, I still have a few symptoms and side effects. I have heavy brain fog, some anxiety and depression symptoms and very weak memory. I have to jot down lists of everything just to remember every single day- or I forget the lot and spend the day like a dazed headless chicken. My close ones get angry with me because they think I forget them on purpose or that I can’t be bothered with them. I try to explain but, its hard to explain right? Also not to mention the psychological effects of Sihr which has left me with a fear of people, nervousness, sadness, jumpiness, lack of trust, fear of negative things happening and pessimism. Obviously I do not accept defeat (as you may know me by now- I am like a worm wriggling through dirt) and I persist in improving all of these symptoms. I have overcome one or too with the Help of Allah. We have this one life to make it to Jannah right? And I’ll be dammed if I’m spending it with negativity, darkness and debilitating symptoms. I also don’t see myself surviving on this small keyboard so I will need to invest in a new laptop.

 

I still get Waswas too. Especially when it comes to writing on here and my Facebook page. I become so so blank and in comes the brain fog! Gee I wonder why Shayateen would want to block me from writing on here, where people are striving to beat them through Ruqya and persistence?? So I really felt this block guys and I have been making Dua to Allah to help me with writers block for almost a year now and Alhamdulilah I feel much stronger to write and finish off my story. I have yet to tell you about many weird and wonderful events that have happened along the way (as well as some shocking and disgusting things). I will also try to get the perspective of ‘supporters’ of people suffering from Sihr because they also go through a tough time. It’s hard enough fighting something so unseen but imagine your loved ones suddenly acting differently and yet they appear the same? How confusing that must be.

 

As I end here, can I ask you all to make dua for me please? That I can remain steadfast in helping others through this and other platforms. That I am protected from any forms of blokage and/or evil eye that may harm me. I would be extremely grateful. JazakAllahu khairan.

 

Until next time (sooner than later!),

Wasalamu alaikum.

The Time For Ruqya and what Came After pt5.

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh,

A week later, it was time for the second Ruqya session which, we were very excited about. It seems strange to find excitement in the midst of a serious situation but, when you are facing a very unknown situation, you are excited at the prospect of answers right?

This time we had a kind close friend accompany my sister and I to the Ruqya session. This was partially because it was dangerous for my Sister to drive as she would randomly have physical reactions in the car. I want to note that each of these sessions was costing us £40 each. Off course, at the time we did not care how much was being spent because we desperately wanted our health back. SubhanAllah, this reminds me of the warning that we are given: to take advantage of the five before five. Your youth before old age, your free time before you are busy, your life before your death, your wealth before poverty and..your health before illness. Gosh, how I wished I had used my time more wisely before I was afflicted! How I wished I hadn’t spent so much time relaxing and having fun and instead, I should have sought knowledge, took care of my parents or at least given in charity.

Is it not ironic how when we are unable to do so, we can think of numerous ideas of ‘could have been’ and ‘should have done’. In reality, this is partially beneficial to lament over wasted time and health BUT it can also be a trick of the Shayateen. How? Because it is said that Hellfire is paved with good intentions. How true is this saying with regards to yourself? Myself? We should exert effort to always think of how can we serve Allah today. What can we do for the community today? How will our Khushu in Salah be today? We should not wait for disaster to strike to then start thinking of reform. Although, reform is better late than never.

Anyway, we reached the address again and sat in the room set up for Ruqya. The Raaqi began reciting and this time I reacted straight away, gasping for air , eyes almost rolling back while my sister was violently kicking and thrashing. I did feel a bit sorry for my friend as this must have been a shock for her but, Alhamdulilah she remained calm.

A reaction. SubhanAllah how do I describe it enough for you to understand, especially if you have not gone through it? And I do not wish it on anyone (apart from Magicians!). It is as if your soul is literally being pulled in all directions. You lose control of your breathing and a near panic attack starts to develop. Your limbs start to shake and jerk without your permission. I used to feel so embarrassed to lose control like this. And yet, internally it is far far worse. You know, I felt dignity in knowing who I was. In knowing I had a certain personality and character, in knowing the familiar things that I used to do and feel. But when you are going through Ruqya, this changes. You suddenly hate listening to the Word of Allah. You are angry. Rude. Arrogant. Insolent. You will laugh at the good things and smile at evil. You feel an evil force, bubbling away between your organs, beneath your skin. This force makes great attempts at taking over you completely. And I would feel this the worst in these Ruqya sessions I had. I could tears in my eyes but I held it back for the embarrassment of crying in front of the Raaqi.

Suddenly, it was then that my Sister started to growl. She was growling the way an angry animal does. I noticed her face was twisted in anger and her eyes fixated on the Raaqi with rage. Sheer blinding rage. The Raaqi just smiled and continued reciting. Subhanallah lol. I will admit, I was terrified of this new development. It really did sound like a noise from a horror film. I hated horror movies. My Sister continued to growl until the end of the session and as soon as the Raaqi stopped reciting, the growling stopped. My Sister sort of sat straighter as if she was waking up from a semi sleep state. The Raaqi said that this was a good development as it meant that the Jinn inside my Sister was getting angrier and should be willing to talk soon. Arghh how was this good?? What if she growled in front of people? What if the Jinn would start to hurt her? But the Raaqi reassured us that things would be ok and we left. I suppose he had other patients to look to.

The next two or three sessions began a similar theme, the reactions getting worse and the Raaqi just reassuring us. He encouraged us to recite more and more at home which we slowly but surely followed. I also noticed that more women were joining us at these Ruqya sessions. I was shocked that so many people were suffering and felt very sad that Sihr seemed prevalent in this day and age. By the end of week two, there was at least 15 sisters filling the room as the Raaqi recited. I was mildly annoyed that our time with the Raaqi was being shared by so many others even though we all had to pay £40 for each session. He did mention that if we can’t afford it then we could pay less.

Then came week three. That Day.

I have been gearing myself up to write about the next part and, till this day, it has been the most significant part of this affliction. I am actually crying as I write this. Not just due to the pain of the memory but…because Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala Has been so Merciful to me. It reduces me to tears when I think of it. You see, it has been around three and half years since I knew I was afflicted and now at present I am at a good stage of recovery. All Praise is due to Allah.

So this Ruqya session began like any other. The room was again full of sisters and the reciting was inducing reactions in a few of them. Some were sat there with lifeless eyes. So the Raaqi was reciting for over an hour now and I could feel something very unusual happening. Have you seen a nature documentary where there is a few seconds of eery silence before a huge Tsunami attacks the land? Well that’s how it felt inside of my head. I could feel something wanting to erupt inside of me. The Raaqi then started reciting Ayatul Kursk which, he has not done before .

My jaw suddenly clicked.  My teeth started grinding. My mouth pulled apart painfully. I started sweating, and my heart rate got faster and faster-

And then, a low monstrous angry sound came out of me.

‘Ssss-ssto’

‘Ssssstop’

The Raaqi recited louder.

And then in a clear low whisper, a voice that did not belong to me, wrenched out of my mouth and spoke.

‘Sssstop. Reading. T-those. Words’.

And that’s when all hell broke loose.

 

To be continued…

Assalamu Alaikum.

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

I know it has been a long time since I have put anything on here. I have my reasons but in sha Allah I will try my best to finish off the account of what happened. I have a small but very important update……Alhamdulillah I am pretty much cured 🙂 All praise is for Allah.  I have the rare reactions here and there but the effects of the Sihr are so weak that they are hardly noticeable! I am sure you are eager to know how I got to this stage and I will elaborate on what proved to be a huge cure for me….it has something to do with Ramadhan.

 

Anyway, for now, keep an eye out for more regular!at posts continuing my story in sha Allah.

The Finishing Race

I have woken up today with no desire to live.

To most people, this just sounds like someone who-either is severely depressed, or someone with very low Iman, or they have been through a traumatic experience etc.

In reality, none of these apply. Although, I may have some psychological trauma as I have been through some adverse situations the past few years. But most of this feeling today I think is from the Sihr and those evil evil Jinn. I have been told that they can literally numb your brain out-by Allah’s permission off course, where the Jinn can cause havoc to your hormonal balance and even the areas in your brain where thoughts and feelings are processed. Similarly, they can cause miscarriages or violent tendencies in someone. May Allah protect us.

Can you imagine. Yesterday, I was fine. I recited Quran. I did my adhkar. I laughed with my family. By the end of the night, I crawled to bed, tears streaming down my face- and I had no idea why except I felt a familiar darkness permeate my head. I woke up today, and closed my eyes back again, feeling like a new born not wanting to enter this horrid world. Many times, this affects how I behave towards others, I can snap or shout quite easily when really all I want to say is ‘help me please, I feel like my insides are breaking’..

I am assuming some of you are going through the same, like me, in this blessed month of Ramadhan. Dare I say it but..I am clinging on to a bare thread of hope. My mind is seeing no end to this and I know that’s really really bad frown emoticon Do you remember when you were a child on Sports Day? Where your small feet were running towards the finishing line, your lungs are heaving, your muscles are screaming in pain and any minute now…you’re thinking ‘I can’t make the finish line. It’s too hard! Any minute now I’m going to fall and collapse’. But then you see your Dad or your Teacher shouting your name, hands in the air. They are shouting ‘You can do it, just a little bit more. Come on!’

And you made the finish line right?

Likewise, I want to give you that last bit of support and in turn remind myself. Come. Let’s race towards the end and finish all this. Keep reciting. Keep reciting until it all ends.

The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Allah laughs at the despair of His slaves because He SOON changes it.’ Sunan ibn Majah

Shukr from the depths of the darkness.

Sujood ash-shukr.

What’s so special about it? We prostrate multiple times during our day so what is so special about prostrating out of thankfulness? Can we ever *thank* and praise Allah enough anyway?

One of the biggest symptoms I have from this Sihr is that I struggle tremendously to be grateful. And I don’t just mean that I am greedy and that I can’t SEE the blessings that I have but it’s that I can’t FEEL the gratefulness of having these blessings. I am numb to the core. It is literally as if I have had an organ removed from my body. Or from my brain more like. I laugh but it’s hollow. Something has been blocked inside of me. And I know from many of you too. Don’t forget that Shayateen can disrupt hormone levels that help us ‘feel’ emotions. They want to dehumanize us. Until we feel as rotten and emotionless as them.

I was advised to prostrate out of Shukr to Allah when I am at my lowest breaking point-what even if I dont feel anything?-yes even then. Especially then.

Think. What did Iblees promise Allah?
‘Because You have sent me astray, surely, I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your straight path. Then I will come to them from before them and behind them, from their right and from their left, and You will not find most of them..grateful’” (Quran, Al-Aaraf: 16,17).

In his pathetic grand scheme of things-Ibless wishes to attack us from every direction-be it posession or no posession-until we become ungrateful creatures, falling towards the Hellfire.

Essentially, the shayateen may have been sent to split you from your spouse, or to kill you or to get you to marry your cousin, but ultimately they want to strip away every good thing from you and drive your mind to the brink of insanity until-

Until you almost cry out ‘where is the help of Allah?’. Until you are ungrateful like Iblis and until you totally reject Allah.

That’s why Sujood ash-Shukr is SO important for the afflicted. To show Shaytan that he can come from the left or the right or from behind but we, as the slave of Allah, we will prostrate to our Lord no matter what happens to us!

Oh and in this sujood…the help of your Lord will come. Do it and see.

A simple return.

Assalamu ‘Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh,

You can’t imagine how many articles I have wrote-and rewrote. Scrapped and then rescrapped. For unknown reasons my writing took a serious hit and..I am unable to write as easily. My mind goes blank, I feel pressure in my chest and I simply cannot transform anything to words. Perhaps it is related to the Sihr (magic) or the Jinn. I keep writing but then my mind gets muddled and I simply cannot post anything. Sounds abnormal slash paranormal right?

But, all I know is that one day I will get past it and who knows? I may get the mental strength to complete this article and post it? In sha Allah.

The pressure is building in my chest already but here goes. Afterall, people like me and people like you are used to fighting the inexplainable. My writing may seem random and sporadic but I really just want to write, before my mind goes all funny again. I hope it’s still a help?

Since the last time I posted, I have improved greatly Alhamdulillah. After months of reciting Surah Baqara, exercising, healthy eating, drinking vinegar (yes I know..), breathing techniques and all sorts- I am at a stage where I barely have reactions and I can live my life almost normally. Almost. There still days-rare days-that I have a violent reaction or two. But, it’s weaker. And then, can you ever be normal after an experience like this?

They say time is a great healer. I say the Owner of time is the Greatest Healer. I almost laugh at myself when I remember the amount of times I lost hope in life. In the 90s, my father bought me a second hand bike after weeks of nagging and whining. But hey, I was eight at the time, it was our job to whine. The bike was sparkly red and green with thick tires and stickers of action heroes on it. It was a secondhand boys bike, but I loved it. Remember the good old days when our parents would go to the local Car Boot Sales and bring home random wonderful things? Lol Anyway, I rode my bike for days on end, so pleased and confident to be the ‘cool’ kid on the street. I relished in the fresh cuts on my knees (I was never very athletic or good with..balance). One day however, I put my bike in the shed and someone stole it during the night, leaving me devastated and confused. At that age, I didn’t really understand the evil doings that happen in our world. How someone can steal a bike. Or how someone can physically hurt you. Cheat you. Deceive you. Or ridicule you.

You are wondering why I am talking about a childhood bike right? Because, there was a point in all our lives that painful things started happening to us. From a very young age perhaps. What we know as tests. As we got older, the tests got harder. As we grew stronger, the tests grew tougher. But some of us crumbled, grew fed up and asked ‘why? And I suppose at some level, that’s understandable. But the ‘why’ should be a reflection on Allah. Not an accusation against Allah.

I admit, I almost crumbled at the beginning of all this and gave up. Who wouldn’t? Considering the culture we live in, the J word would creep us all out right? They were only in scary stories. And then BAM you are told things like ‘yes there is a jinn living inside of you and er..it wants to kill you’. I didn’t even know that was possible! So you are now living your own horror story. So in all of this panic and shock and ignorance, it’s hard to be brave. It’s hard to say ‘yes it’s just a test and we need to get through it’. It’s OK to cry about it. Sometimes, when things were so bad, like a jinn attacking me in my bedroom while I’m all alone, I cried for my Mom. Seriously. Maybe you are wondering this was weakness? Maybe. But you really don’t know how bad it is until you go through it yourself. It can be terrifying. No no. Not because it’s a jinn and arghh they are frightening (because they’re in fact very weak) but because you feel.so.out.of.control.

Isn’t that one of the scariest things in the world? To have no control over your mind, or body, or speech.

You know, we will never properly understand the Mercy of Allah because it is such a divine attribute. But we have experienced His Mercy envelope us when we need it the most haven’t we? When we thought we couldn’t possibly go through anymore, we went through more did we not? When you thought your body was so drained from energy, you still managed to crawl to Salah if needed right? When you felt agony, you still cracked a smile for your family right? Because He is always there in your aid. And through His constant help and guidance, I have managed to get a little bit better each day. And it’s the same with you. Just keep doing what you are doing and one day..you will wake up feeling much better. You will not realize the slow progress but every ayaah that you recite, every drop of Ruqya water and oil that you use, every utterance of adhkar and Dua that you make..IS making you better. Hold on to the rope of hope. It starts with you and finishes with Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala.

 

By the way, I have recently passed my driving and I was gifted a very nice car Alhamdulillah. Beats a bike right? Remember, whatever is taken from you…surely is replaced with something better 🙂

I think I will post this one.

Comforting Reflections: When Allah Claims Your Heart.

It is said that the sin of taking and dealing with Ribaa is one of the worst sins that man can commit. So much so that Allah Says in the Qur’an: ”Those who eat Riba will not stand (on the Day of Resurrection) except like the standing of a person beaten by Shaytan leading him to insanity.’ Ibn `Abbas said, “On the Day of Resurrection, those who consume Ribaa will be resurrected while insane and suffering from seizures.”

So why was this punishment chosen for one of the major sins prohibited by Allah?

Because being ‘tapped’ by the Shaytaan…is by far one of the worst and most painful experiences that a human can go through. That a Muslim can go through. Because we are believers in the Oneness of Allah, our Beautiful Rabb and we are the lovers of obeying Him. So imagine how we feel being possessed by beings inside of us who are the complete opposite to our beliefs? Who love Shirk, disobedience, lewd actions and every sin imaginable; who love to taunt you with your weakest points and scare you with your worst fears. Who wish nothing but grief for you. Who wish for you to be far and far from Allah as far the East is from the West. It makes me cry in sadness. And I know you cry too.

Our Salah is no more with Khushu. Our Duas are tainted by static evil thoughts. Our tears are blocked by the evil hands of devils. And the chambers of our heart are clogged by doubtful thoughts, evil whispers and a numb throb that never leaves. We no longer smile in peace. Or sleep in peace. Or sit in peace. Or even cry in peace.

Except for glimpses. Yes, there are glimpses of how we once were. Of a time before this war began. It could be after reciting much of the Qur’an. Or after crying profusely to Allah. Or it can happen when you stumble upon a verse that hits you as if it were meant only for you.  We get glimpses of peace, away from this turmoil that we call ‘Possession’.

When we realize that….Allah is so close to us.

There was a time when I was entirely consumed by depression and evil whispers of the Jinn. I had almost given up on life- or what life I had because I already felt like a corpse. Numb and emotionless. Overcome by grief, I cried and cried to Allah to just give me a moment of happiness again. I so desperately wished for some relief.

And by the miracle of Dua alone, the next day I woke up as if I was not afflicted at all. I smiled. SubhanAllah I smiled. I laughed with my family. I took great gulps of fresh air, letting tranquility overtake me. My eyes even watered with thankfulness.

And I knew with certainty that this was from Allah.

A reflection…

‘And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me.’

‘Indeed I am near’ – Wallahi, this Ayaah resonates inside of my heart and I hold it close to me in my darkest moments. And here, Allah Addresses Himself as ‘I’ and not ‘We’ which He, Subhana Wata ‘ala only Uses in cases of extreme Love. All of us have experienced something at some point in our life- a sudden inspiration that tells you…Allah is With you. It could be when your Dua is answered. It could be when a friend comforts you exactly when you needed it. Or when a neighbor gives you some food that you were craving right that minute. Or just a light whisper telling to ‘keep going’.

This is clearly from Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala Who Promised to answer every Dua.

A reflection…

He also promised something else:

‘For indeed, with hardship comes ease. Indeed, with hardship comes ease’ (Surah Sharh).

So why do we panic when hardship knocks on our door? Because we forget the Promises of Allah and we end up relying upon creation and nothing seems more greater than our problem and our enemies. Even though we echo ‘AllahuAkbar’ in every Salah! So what does Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala mean by this ayaah? How can hardship and ease be coupled together?

Let me ask you. You are possessed and probably been possessed for years yet you are somehow still alive yes? You somehow find strength to continue. You even fight this affliction even though you are probably overwhelmed by this world of the unseen. I am sure you will also remember times when it didn’t seem so bad. Or when people supported you at the right time. And you somehow found extra Rizq just when things were getting desperate right? And how did you come to know of this affliction? Who directed towards knowing about this affliction is and guiding you towards the path of Shifaa?

Allah did. This is His ease for you in this hardship- hardship was not given except with a ship to sail through its strong waves. The fact that you are reading this page is a direction from Allah to remember His Promises again. To remember His nearness. To remember that which the Shayateen wish for you to forget.

A reflection…

Therefore if the pains of this world tire you do not grieve. For it may be that Allah wishes to hear your voice by way of dua. So pour out your desires in prostration and forget about it and know, that verily Allah does not forget it.” 

Ibn al Qayyim (rahimahullah).

Many times, we deem actions as cruel or a withholding when really they are actions of love by the ones who love us. When our Mother would stop us from going out alone at night, it was because she cared for our safety. Or when our Father pushed us in exams, it was because He wished for us to do succeed. And when a thorn pricked you…it was only so your sins could be forgiven.

So when Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala Wills a hardship to fall upon you, it is never to hurt you. Or to make you fall to the ground. And if you did fall to the ground- it was only so you could find Sujood. Allah Loves us so much that He wishes us to be so close to Him all the time. And sadly, many of us only draw close to Him when we are afflicted by a hardship. How ungrateful we became…

And how else could we be purified from the stains of our sins if not by the washing of our tears? 

Had we really contemplated on how Allah Azza Wajal plans the Best for us, we would panic less and have tawakkul more. We would feel defeated less and feel surety more. We would humbly accept our hardships as a warning from Allah- that we had distant ourselves from Him so He was merely calling us back.

And we should run back. Through patience, through Salah, through steadfastness, through Qur’an, through high hopes and through Dua. Come on, my Brothers and Sisters, run back to Him because our solace only lies in Him. Subhana Wata ‘ala…You are as You have Praised Yourself.

A reflection…

“Had Allah lifted the veil for His slave and shown him how He handles his affairs for him, and how Allah is more keen for the benefit of the slave than His own self, his heart would have melted out of the love for Allah and would have been torn to pieces out of thankfulness to Allah. 

So have heart my afflicted Brothers and Sisters. I feel your pain. I understand your sadness. But we have Allah and He is sufficient for us to carry us through this and He Will heal our hearts. You just need to reflect, remember and reconnect. In sha Allah.

 

I cried while writing this. Not because of the pain that creation gives me. But, because of the Love that my Creator Gives me.

Leaving the wing of a Mosquito: A True Love Story.

Let me tell you a love story. And this is no ordinary love story about two human beings falling in love with each other and spending their immortal lives together. This is a story that goes beyond this transient earthly life. This is neither about the indescribable bond between a parent and child that almost has no bounds. No conditions. Where a Mother would sacrifice herself for her child if it became necessary.

No, rather this is a story about you and the One whose love has no bounds or limits at all. Who in fact, gave you life, after life, after life. In the womb, on the earth and an everlasting one that is waiting for you. Whose love for you is so powerful that He, Subhana Wata ‘ala, overlooks your mistakes, your sins and your downright disobedience every time you merely repent. Who cares not for how you look or what you wear but looks inside at the beauty of your heart.

He is the One Who stays close to you as a kind Companion when everyone else leaves you abandoned and alone. Who understands the language of your tears, your inner sorrow and constant worries. Who catches you every time you fall even when that fall was most likely a direct disobedience of Him.

Allah Says: And whoever comes to Me walking, I will go to him running. And whoever faces Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, I will meet him with forgiveness nearly as great as that, provided he does not worship something with Me.’

And yet…we fell in love with the wing of a Mosquito? This life?

You know, when we were young and youthful, our minds were full of ideas for the future and our bodies were brimming with energy waiting to be expended. We cared little for responsibilities, duties or fulfilling commands set out for us.

‘Later, I will do it later because right now I am living life…’.

And so we turned away from the greatest Love in our lives and turned to the Dunya to try and satiate the thirst for happiness and self contentment. It all seemed so enchanting and glamourous. How deluded our souls were! Thus, internal conflicts began within us and our chapters were filled with ink etched with pain and confusion. Words of confusion and want. The sadness grew inside of us. Discontentment. Stress. Anxiety. Emptiness. But, out of His Magnificent Mercy and Generosity, what did Allah do?

He sent down an enclosed gift wrapped in trials, hardship and fright.

So what was the gift inside?

Let me take you to another story. A story that you are familiar with, that many of you can relate to. I was also one of the culprits who fell for the wing of the Mosquito. I half heartedly worshipped Allah as I had little understanding. Little passion. Little love. I wasn’t a bad Muslim, but I wasn’t a particularly good one either. I, like many other betrayers had turned more towards the delights of this world and forgot why I was really here. Who I really was. Who really loved me.

And then on a day that I will never forget, I was struck with a guttural pain that seared and teared at the very core of my being. I can not describe it in any other way. The realization of being possessed by devils electrocuted me and I shivered in shock. Eyes wide in gaping horror as I spent every day after this in struggle, confusion and pain. I was losing my mind. I was losing control of my body. I lost my chances at a career or a normal life. I lost my family. I was forced to leave my home after almost being strangled to death. My sleep was disturbed. My smile gone. My peace a distant memory. And I didn’t feel safe anymore.

Little did I know that I was being woken from the deepest slumber of my existence. Yes the finest things of life were taken away from me.

So I could appreciate the finer gifts that He wished to give me.

So what was in the gift box?

Sabr.

Pure exhilarating Sabr. The ability to wrap myself in warm blankets of Sabr when the evilest of Jinn attack me. To taste it in my tears when sorrow overtakes me. To feel it calm my heartbeats when worries engulf me. And to soothe my shivers when I fear abuse in the dark.

Our Beloved Says:

‘And give glad tidings to those who have patience. Those who if in any difficulty or trial, or tribulation occurs to them, they say: ‘Verily We belong to Allah and to Allah we return.’ They are those who will receive prayers from their Lord and Mercy and it is those who are guided.” Surah Baqara.

I was given this gift box on the onset of my Sihr and Jinn affliction but I didn’t bother opening it because I was consumed with worry and panic. I failed to understand what Allah Subhana Wata’ala was trying to tell me. It was only after a year of distress, hard lessons, tears and constant help from Allah that I finally understood.

That this was never about Sihr. Or Jinn. Or hardship. It was just a simple love story.

I had strayed. I had turned myself towards something so insignificant and meaningless: this Dunya. Who is not more worthy or important than the wing of a Mosquito. And because of this I was straying at the edges of a dangerous rocky cliff that could collapse any moment. And I could fall into darkness.

Yet, Allah the Most Merciful, decided to save me. Out of Love. He pulled me out, just in time whilst I still have breath. He showed me love in a way that I simply cannot put to words. But, I can show you through tears when I remember what He has done for me. But, who can understand these tears except only Allah Himself? I find no words to thank Him so I write my thanks in my tears, hoping it will count for something.

So yes, I finally opened this gift that I had neglected and I embraced it. I embraced the true meaning of Sabr and I turned away from the illusion that this life fed me. In fact, I swatted away the wing and turned my attention towards the Creator of all wings. Of all creation. Allah.

I learnt that the purpose of this trial was not to just find the cure, it was to find Allah, my true Love. And if it took all this struggle, pain and tears then it was worth it. And as for the cure? That will come soon, in good time. I know it. Because Allah Subhana Wata’ala is so Merciful that He is too shy to turn our hands away empty handed. And I raise my hands to Him for me and you and all those who are afflicted.

So why did I tell this story? Because I wasn’t the only character in it. You are in it too. Allah is calling you back to Him as well. You also have a gift to open so that you can also understand what Allah is Saying to you. So that you can also find contentment and strength amidst this difficult trial. I implore you to open it and find beautiful gifts.

Beautiful gifts from the One Who Loves you.

“Those who patiently persevere will truly receive a reward without measure!” (az-Zumar 39:10).

When will the Help of Allah come? A Psychological Perspective.

There is a connection between the psychological state and well being of a person and the Sihr, Evil Eye or Jinn possession that has been inflicted on them.

There is also a connection between the mind and the coming of the cure. For Allah Says ‘I am as my Slave perceives me’. So how much certainty do we perceive and hope in being cured by Allah? Really?

You will find that if a person has had a distressing childhood, or suffered traumatic experiences, or holds repressed negative memories and so on then the effect of Sihr is more strong and the the Jinns have a tighter grip upon their mind and consequently their body and life. People like this (which is most of us) don’t tend to have a strong fighting spirit, they usually believe that they ‘deserve’ this condition and that Allah is punishing them because they are ‘bad Muslims’. Or they believe that this is a test but subconsciously don’t ‘feel’ like striving to get rid of it. The Jinn see this and exaggerate these weaknesses until the patient cannot differentiate between their own thoughts and the thoughts put by Jinn. If the aim of the Sihr is to kill you then the Jinn can easily make you feel like ‘you deserve to die’ or that you are a low individual. Or if the Sihr was created to split you from your spouse then again, the Jinn will target your psychological state by saying that you don’t ‘deserve a good spouse’, feelings of ugliness and low self worth.

Because the effects of Sihr and the presence of Jinn mainly target our psychological and mental state of mind, it is absolutely vital that we first strengthen our mind, personality and inner soul. I have gone through this process myself. I suffered quite a traumatic childhood of abuse, physical abuse, neglect, years of bullying and degradation by various people. And I know the Jinns used this against me because I genuinely felt that death was better than living. I struggled to differentiate between reality and illusion. I felt ugly and dirty. Suicidal and severely depressed. There were times where I almost gave up and allowed the Jinns to hurt me because ‘I just didn’t care anymore’.

It was only until I snapped.

Something inside of me snapped and I had an epiphany moment. That, and I believe Allah Subhana Wata’ala heard my cries and He sent down strength inside of me. For there is no veil between the cries of the oppressed and the Mercy of Allah. It was in this moment that I decided enough was enough and a change took over me. I felt renewed and rejuvenated. Can the Mercy of Allah wash away distress? From then on, I tackled my demons head and on- both my own psychological ones and the real Shayateen. I realized that my self worth was through the identity of being a Muslim- a slave of Allah. I no longer allowed myself to be degraded by any human or jinn.

I began to love my self. I felt loved by Allah. I felt honored because Allah, Al Khaaliq, Al Musawwir, decided to fashion my bones and create me into a human being. And out of billions of humans, He gave me hidayah- Islam. While most walk aimlessly upon this earth like lost cattle. La ilaha illallah.

It took months but I healed most of what was broken in me, by the Will of Allah. I have closed the doors on the scars of the past so the Jinn cannot use this anymore. And like I have mentioned, I now make the Jinn cry the way they used to make me cry. How dare they attempt to harm a slave of Allah who calls upon no one beside Allah? Do they not know that Allah wages war against those who harm his slaves?

I wasn’t going to mention this but I will use it as an example of how Allah Subhana Wata’ala aids His slaves who cry out to Him. Some months ago, when I was weaker and the Jinn were stronger, I actually had another Sihr cast upon me and a new Jinn entered me. This one was extremely disgusting and vicious and planned to rape me in the night. I didn’t…even know how this was possible but I have heard some horror stories. So all day, I felt sick with anguish and worry of what might happen. I couldn’t think, eat or sit properly. It came to a point where I was so scared that I was on the floor crying and crying. I ended up going into sujood and just simply saying ‘Allah Protect me from their plots, Ya Rabbi protect me’. And as the night approached and I was in my bed, I felt intense fear. I felt the Jinn surface through me, laughing menacingly and boasting what he would do to me. I then cried. And the Jinn laughed even more until-

-Suddenly it began to scream. It began to shout saying ‘Arghhhh they are here! The Angels are here!’ And suddenly the Jinn disappeared inside of me and I had control over myself again. But what happened next shocked me to the core. I don’t know how else to describe this (and I don’t expect everyone to believe me) but, I felt Angels surrounding me. They were invisible to me but I could ‘sense’ them. I suddenly started laughing in joy and I felt an indescribable sense of tranquility. In amazement, I shouted to my Sister and explained. She was bewildered but I could still sense Angels around me. After she left, I was overcome with emotion and I fell into sujood because I had never felt so close to Allah. I cried in amazement to Allah because I knew I was experiencing something incredible from the Unseen. I then heard a calm voice speak to me who said ‘We have been sent from the fourth heaven by Allah to protect you from the Shayateen because Allah Has Heard your cries. You must now do Wudu, read Ayatul Kursi and sleep on your right side and we will stand guard by your side so no Shaytan can harm you in the night.’. Although I hadn’t digested what was happening and I was in complete shock… I slept peacefully. I had not slept so peacefully in a long time.

I know many of you may not believe this and conclude that it was in my mind or a Jinn fooled me. But, I know with full certainty that this was a miracle from Allah. There was a similar incident recorded where a robber was going to kill a man who cried “O Most Loving, O Most Loving, O Owner of the majestic Throne, O Initiator, O Returner, O You Who do whatever You will, I ask You by the Light of Your Countenance which fills the pillars of Your Throne, and I ask You by Your Power by which You control all of Your creation, and I ask You by Your mercy which encompasses all things, there is no god but You, O Helper help me!”. After which, an Angel came in the form of a warrior and saved him.

In fact, the next day I told a close friend of what happened and she actually told me that she had a dream about me the same night and that in this dream, the evil Magician was saying ‘she is protected now!’.

So you see, the Help of Allah is ever so near. It comes in many forms and when the slave calls out in desperation then Allah can send an army to help you. In fact the Jinn in my Sister and I always cry in anger saying that we are protected by Angels by all sides. That the more Qur’ an we recite, the more Angels come to protect us, to listen to the Qur’an. This is the case with all of us, we all have Angel protecting us.

I will say that I still have a long way to go but I feel stronger to fight all of this because I have created a big fortress of defense in my mind- with stronger willpower, self worth and most of all…tawakkul in the Help of Allah. I have witnessed vast things of the Unseen that has strengthened my faith. I now clearly see the Akhirah in my mind…I see my home in Jannah…and I will do anything to get there, in sha Allah. Even if I have to crawl through every struggle, hardship and fight every enemy, I will.

My Brothers and Sisters in Islam who are suffering at the hands of Sihr and Jinn…I beg you, do not allow them to break you. Do you think that you are just a Muslim among many? No! Rather, Allah Subhana Wata’ala knows YOU by your own name and He knows every corner of your heart. And if you have suffered psychologically previously then work to heal this, don’t give the Jinn fuel to hurt you. Once you have built your defense and confidence then attack them with full force. And watch how they flee! Their weak reality will be seen. And remain steadfast upon this path until the cure of Allah arrives. For sure, the Help of Allah is so near. And lastly, call out to Him with full certainty that He WILL come to your rescue.

Draw close to Him in devotion, love and worship in such a way that any Jinn or Human near you can’t help but see the light of Islam.

Ya Rabb, Owner of the heavens and the earth, Owner of every living being, the Owner of every cure, cure us all of this illness that leaves no traces of sickness. Oh the Majestic and Powerful One Who Holds our hearts between Your Hands, Keep us steadfast upon Islam until we meet You. And let the happiest day be when we finally meet You, Ameen ya Rabb.