Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wabarakaatuh,
A week later, it was time for the second Ruqya session which, we were very excited about. It seems strange to find excitement in the midst of a serious situation but, when you are facing a very unknown situation, you are excited at the prospect of answers right?
This time we had a kind close friend accompany my sister and I to the Ruqya session. This was partially because it was dangerous for my Sister to drive as she would randomly have physical reactions in the car. I want to note that each of these sessions was costing us £40 each. Off course, at the time we did not care how much was being spent because we desperately wanted our health back. SubhanAllah, this reminds me of the warning that we are given: to take advantage of the five before five. Your youth before old age, your free time before you are busy, your life before your death, your wealth before poverty and..your health before illness. Gosh, how I wished I had used my time more wisely before I was afflicted! How I wished I hadn’t spent so much time relaxing and having fun and instead, I should have sought knowledge, took care of my parents or at least given in charity.
Is it not ironic how when we are unable to do so, we can think of numerous ideas of ‘could have been’ and ‘should have done’. In reality, this is partially beneficial to lament over wasted time and health BUT it can also be a trick of the Shayateen. How? Because it is said that Hellfire is paved with good intentions. How true is this saying with regards to yourself? Myself? We should exert effort to always think of how can we serve Allah today. What can we do for the community today? How will our Khushu in Salah be today? We should not wait for disaster to strike to then start thinking of reform. Although, reform is better late than never.
Anyway, we reached the address again and sat in the room set up for Ruqya. The Raaqi began reciting and this time I reacted straight away, gasping for air , eyes almost rolling back while my sister was violently kicking and thrashing. I did feel a bit sorry for my friend as this must have been a shock for her but, Alhamdulilah she remained calm.
A reaction. SubhanAllah how do I describe it enough for you to understand, especially if you have not gone through it? And I do not wish it on anyone (apart from Magicians!). It is as if your soul is literally being pulled in all directions. You lose control of your breathing and a near panic attack starts to develop. Your limbs start to shake and jerk without your permission. I used to feel so embarrassed to lose control like this. And yet, internally it is far far worse. You know, I felt dignity in knowing who I was. In knowing I had a certain personality and character, in knowing the familiar things that I used to do and feel. But when you are going through Ruqya, this changes. You suddenly hate listening to the Word of Allah. You are angry. Rude. Arrogant. Insolent. You will laugh at the good things and smile at evil. You feel an evil force, bubbling away between your organs, beneath your skin. This force makes great attempts at taking over you completely. And I would feel this the worst in these Ruqya sessions I had. I could tears in my eyes but I held it back for the embarrassment of crying in front of the Raaqi.
Suddenly, it was then that my Sister started to growl. She was growling the way an angry animal does. I noticed her face was twisted in anger and her eyes fixated on the Raaqi with rage. Sheer blinding rage. The Raaqi just smiled and continued reciting. Subhanallah lol. I will admit, I was terrified of this new development. It really did sound like a noise from a horror film. I hated horror movies. My Sister continued to growl until the end of the session and as soon as the Raaqi stopped reciting, the growling stopped. My Sister sort of sat straighter as if she was waking up from a semi sleep state. The Raaqi said that this was a good development as it meant that the Jinn inside my Sister was getting angrier and should be willing to talk soon. Arghh how was this good?? What if she growled in front of people? What if the Jinn would start to hurt her? But the Raaqi reassured us that things would be ok and we left. I suppose he had other patients to look to.
The next two or three sessions began a similar theme, the reactions getting worse and the Raaqi just reassuring us. He encouraged us to recite more and more at home which we slowly but surely followed. I also noticed that more women were joining us at these Ruqya sessions. I was shocked that so many people were suffering and felt very sad that Sihr seemed prevalent in this day and age. By the end of week two, there was at least 15 sisters filling the room as the Raaqi recited. I was mildly annoyed that our time with the Raaqi was being shared by so many others even though we all had to pay £40 for each session. He did mention that if we can’t afford it then we could pay less.
Then came week three. That Day.
I have been gearing myself up to write about the next part and, till this day, it has been the most significant part of this affliction. I am actually crying as I write this. Not just due to the pain of the memory but…because Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala Has been so Merciful to me. It reduces me to tears when I think of it. You see, it has been around three and half years since I knew I was afflicted and now at present I am at a good stage of recovery. All Praise is due to Allah.
So this Ruqya session began like any other. The room was again full of sisters and the reciting was inducing reactions in a few of them. Some were sat there with lifeless eyes. So the Raaqi was reciting for over an hour now and I could feel something very unusual happening. Have you seen a nature documentary where there is a few seconds of eery silence before a huge Tsunami attacks the land? Well that’s how it felt inside of my head. I could feel something wanting to erupt inside of me. The Raaqi then started reciting Ayatul Kursk which, he has not done before .
My jaw suddenly clicked. My teeth started grinding. My mouth pulled apart painfully. I started sweating, and my heart rate got faster and faster-
And then, a low monstrous angry sound came out of me.
The Raaqi recited louder.
And then in a clear low whisper, a voice that did not belong to me, wrenched out of my mouth and spoke.
‘Sssstop. Reading. T-those. Words’.
And that’s when all hell broke loose.
To be continued…