Assalamu Alaikum dear readers,
I know it has been a long time since I have posted and for that I apologise. I went through a difficult journey of my own, including a few complications (some of which, I will discuss here as I continue my story). I also needed to focus on my own healing wholly and at times, reliving the pains of my affliction bought back too many painful feelings. Regardless, I am ready to finish off what I left off. Maybe after all this time, I have matured enough to present my ideas better as well feeling stronger and more clear-headed.
After allowing myself to cry over my newfound situation, I placed the mango on the table and raised my hands in supplication.’ Ya Allah, You know best what is happening to me and my family. Please, please help us through this difficult time and please make it easy for us to see what is happening to us and how to fight this.’ I was glad that I turned to Allah in dua rather than complaining to people or feeling sorry for myself. But it wasn’t because I was extremely pious but more so because I felt completely helpless and who else can we turn to when all doors seem closed? Also this was not something we could easily talk about to close friends and family anyway. I already felt a twinge of shame of my situation.
Downstairs, I saw my sister sitting quietly in the living room, staring vacantly at her fingers. We decided to tell our younger sisters what happened at the Ruqya session and naturally they were very shocked. They didn’t really understand what consequences this affliction held. Nor did we. Our knowledge of Jinn possession and Sihr only extended to a few videos that we had watched and a few stories that we knew.
So, where do we go from here?
The Raaqi in London had told us to recite Quranic ayaat from a booklet that we had and to drink a spoonful of Sidr Honey every morning (that ended up costing £100!).Honey is known for its medicinal purposes.
The Prophet Sallalahu Alayhi Wasallam said: Honey is a remedy for every illness and the Quran is a remedy for all illness of the mind, therefore I recommend to you both remedies, the Quran and honey’ Bukhari.
Doing this seemed simple enough. I looked over at my sister and she was visibly upset. I asked what was bothering her and she laughed sadly.
‘I thought..having one Ruqya session would have been enough to cure me. I thought I could finally get my Imaan back and all these horrible feelings would go away. I was so mistaken..’
I empathized with her huge disappointment but I also felt hopeful that getting better wouldn’t take long, in sha Allah. We let things settle and for the next few days continued as normal. We recited a portion of the Quran everyday and made Ruqya water which we drank. Straight away we would burp loudly, our stomachs would inflate and churn. From what I had read on the Internet, this indicated that the magic was ingested. How it was ingested we did not know. I didn’t even understand what this ‘magic’ looked like. Was it a potion created by the Magician and put in our food? Do Magicians really exist in England? And again, is this really happening to us? But Allah Knows best. My sister’s arm would still move up and down by itself- as if it was in pain. Likewise, my arm would move of its own accord and I will say this honestly- each time, it broke my heart a bit more. It was a stark reminder that we really were facing matters of the unseen and we couldn’t explain it away with the possibility of it being a random one-off reaction or with a medical explanation. After all, why did my arm only move when the Quran was being recited? Why did my arm burn when I place the Quran on my arm? Why would our hearts race in anxiety before a Ruqya session? But still, at this time, we were in partial denial. We were far too comfortable with our lives that previously held no worries, full of easy going laughter, fun and ease. But surely the Promise of Allah is always fulfilled.
‘Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tested? But We have surely tested those before them. And Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars’ Surah Al-Ankabut (29)
I am dreaming. I am running between rooms, panting and gasping. I find myself outside. Suddenly I see a man plunging my Mother’s head under a river. I see her struggling frantically beneath the water, to release herself and seeing this, I am screaming and shouting. I run back to the house shouting at my sisters that this man is trying to kill Mum, that he is drowning her. Suddenly a huge page out of the Quran falls from above, from where I don’t know. I say ‘We must do Ruqya with this! We need to save Mum with this!’. We then pour golden water onto this page-and I wake up breathing heavily.
I sit up in my bed and calm myself down. This was not a bad dream but it felt like a sign from Allah. I knew clearly what Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala was telling me. I already knew my Mother was suffering Magic but this truly confirmed it. I also recognized the face of the evil perpetrator…a family member no less. One who was already despised by my sisters and I. SubhanAllah how evil can a person be!
In the morning I told my sister of what I saw and she also agreed that we should get my Mother to drink Ruqya water. So from then on I would hidely recite onto water and give this my Mother to drink in the mornings. But mainly I focused on myself and my sister. My sister was still withdrawn and dejected; her eyes were still glassy and empty. No matter how much Ruqya we were doing daily, we still saw no improvement. Not one bit. When would this end? Why wasn’t the Quran burning the Magic already? Round and round our questions swirled because situations like this truly make you sit up and question everything. Did this happen because of my sins? Am I a bad Muslim? Is Allah punishing me? Will I die from this? Where has my Imaan gone? How will I face people like this?
A week later, we received the good news that the Raaqi from London would be doing Ruqya sessions in a nearby city. Alhamdulillah! We felt that we reacted more with the Raaqi so surely it was more effective than attempting Ruqya ourselves right? My sister quickly booked an appointment for the following week and after a long time we smiled. We were hopeful of a cure now- surely after a few more sessions this would all go away.
The impending Ruqya session came closer and we got our car ready for the one hour journey. On the specified day we drove in silence, both of us nervous and anxious. In fact,the closer we got the more sick I felt. I held the seat belt away from me, feelings its tight hold. Upon arrival we noticed the Raaqi was based in a house again; we knocked and waited. A brother opened the door and we were led to a room that had been set up with large speakers and a mike. The Raaqi sat at the far end and he greeted us with Salaam and inquired how our health and symptoms were now. We told him of our daily Ruqya and how our symptoms were the same regardless of this. He nodded as this was a common thing and then instructed us to seat ourselves and that he would start reciting. I liked our he was to the point, not wanting to waste time.
As the Ruqya session continued, my sister’s arms and legs started writhing violently while I felt my own breathing getting heavy-fast-enclosed. I felt a claw squeezing my heart, making it difficult for me to breathe. I looked over at the Ruqya in pain but he nodded and continued reciting. Gradually I felt a surge of anger erupt inside of me and I almost wanted to growl in rage. What was happening to me? In parallel to this, I also felt confused and disgusted at the anger that I felt towards the recitation of the Quran. But it seemed out of control. I seemed out of control. With this, silent tears ran down my face. I looked over at my sister and felt even further pain because she seemed to be in more distress than me.
After the Ruqya session ended, the Raaqi asked us how we felt and what symptoms we were experiencing. They included: jerky movements, twitching of the face and fingers, pins and needles, heavy breathing, feelings of anger and rage, the urge to wail and cry and feelings of…’being taken over’. The Raaqi explained that these were common symptoms of magic and jinn possession and that we should continue with the Ruqya. He also booked us in for another session in a few days time as we were eager to get this over and done with. I almost laugh at our naivety at the time knowing now that this was purely the beginning of this affliction. A few pins and needles was just the tip of an iceberg.
With heavy hearts and painful limbs, we left the house and began our journey home. I felt extremely sad and disheartened as we still didn’t really know what we were dealing with and more importantly how long it would take to get rid of this problem. Still, we had another Ruqya appointment…who knows what the next session would bring.