The Finishing Race

I have woken up today with no desire to live.

To most people, this just sounds like someone who-either is severely depressed, or someone with very low Iman, or they have been through a traumatic experience etc.

In reality, none of these apply. Although, I may have some psychological trauma as I have been through some adverse situations the past few years. But most of this feeling today I think is from the Sihr and those evil evil Jinn. I have been told that they can literally numb your brain out-by Allah’s permission off course, where the Jinn can cause havoc to your hormonal balance and even the areas in your brain where thoughts and feelings are processed. Similarly, they can cause miscarriages or violent tendencies in someone. May Allah protect us.

Can you imagine. Yesterday, I was fine. I recited Quran. I did my adhkar. I laughed with my family. By the end of the night, I crawled to bed, tears streaming down my face- and I had no idea why except I felt a familiar darkness permeate my head. I woke up today, and closed my eyes back again, feeling like a new born not wanting to enter this horrid world. Many times, this affects how I behave towards others, I can snap or shout quite easily when really all I want to say is ‘help me please, I feel like my insides are breaking’..

I am assuming some of you are going through the same, like me, in this blessed month of Ramadhan. Dare I say it but..I am clinging on to a bare thread of hope. My mind is seeing no end to this and I know that’s really really bad frown emoticon Do you remember when you were a child on Sports Day? Where your small feet were running towards the finishing line, your lungs are heaving, your muscles are screaming in pain and any minute now…you’re thinking ‘I can’t make the finish line. It’s too hard! Any minute now I’m going to fall and collapse’. But then you see your Dad or your Teacher shouting your name, hands in the air. They are shouting ‘You can do it, just a little bit more. Come on!’

And you made the finish line right?

Likewise, I want to give you that last bit of support and in turn remind myself. Come. Let’s race towards the end and finish all this. Keep reciting. Keep reciting until it all ends.

The Messenger of Allah said: ‘Allah laughs at the despair of His slaves because He SOON changes it.’ Sunan ibn Majah