When will the Help of Allah come? A Psychological Perspective.

There is a connection between the psychological state and well being of a person and the Sihr, Evil Eye or Jinn possession that has been inflicted on them.

There is also a connection between the mind and the coming of the cure. For Allah Says ‘I am as my Slave perceives me’. So how much certainty do we perceive and hope in being cured by Allah? Really?

You will find that if a person has had a distressing childhood, or suffered traumatic experiences, or holds repressed negative memories and so on then the effect of Sihr is more strong and the the Jinns have a tighter grip upon their mind and consequently their body and life. People like this (which is most of us) don’t tend to have a strong fighting spirit, they usually believe that they ‘deserve’ this condition and that Allah is punishing them because they are ‘bad Muslims’. Or they believe that this is a test but subconsciously don’t ‘feel’ like striving to get rid of it. The Jinn see this and exaggerate these weaknesses until the patient cannot differentiate between their own thoughts and the thoughts put by Jinn. If the aim of the Sihr is to kill you then the Jinn can easily make you feel like ‘you deserve to die’ or that you are a low individual. Or if the Sihr was created to split you from your spouse then again, the Jinn will target your psychological state by saying that you don’t ‘deserve a good spouse’, feelings of ugliness and low self worth.

Because the effects of Sihr and the presence of Jinn mainly target our psychological and mental state of mind, it is absolutely vital that we first strengthen our mind, personality and inner soul. I have gone through this process myself. I suffered quite a traumatic childhood of abuse, physical abuse, neglect, years of bullying and degradation by various people. And I know the Jinns used this against me because I genuinely felt that death was better than living. I struggled to differentiate between reality and illusion. I felt ugly and dirty. Suicidal and severely depressed. There were times where I almost gave up and allowed the Jinns to hurt me because ‘I just didn’t care anymore’.

It was only until I snapped.

Something inside of me snapped and I had an epiphany moment. That, and I believe Allah Subhana Wata’ala heard my cries and He sent down strength inside of me. For there is no veil between the cries of the oppressed and the Mercy of Allah. It was in this moment that I decided enough was enough and a change took over me. I felt renewed and rejuvenated. Can the Mercy of Allah wash away distress? From then on, I tackled my demons head and on- both my own psychological ones and the real Shayateen. I realized that my self worth was through the identity of being a Muslim- a slave of Allah. I no longer allowed myself to be degraded by any human or jinn.

I began to love my self. I felt loved by Allah. I felt honored because Allah, Al Khaaliq, Al Musawwir, decided to fashion my bones and create me into a human being. And out of billions of humans, He gave me hidayah- Islam. While most walk aimlessly upon this earth like lost cattle. La ilaha illallah.

It took months but I healed most of what was broken in me, by the Will of Allah. I have closed the doors on the scars of the past so the Jinn cannot use this anymore. And like I have mentioned, I now make the Jinn cry the way they used to make me cry. How dare they attempt to harm a slave of Allah who calls upon no one beside Allah? Do they not know that Allah wages war against those who harm his slaves?

I wasn’t going to mention this but I will use it as an example of how Allah Subhana Wata’ala aids His slaves who cry out to Him. Some months ago, when I was weaker and the Jinn were stronger, I actually had another Sihr cast upon me and a new Jinn entered me. This one was extremely disgusting and vicious and planned to rape me in the night. I didn’t…even know how this was possible but I have heard some horror stories. So all day, I felt sick with anguish and worry of what might happen. I couldn’t think, eat or sit properly. It came to a point where I was so scared that I was on the floor crying and crying. I ended up going into sujood and just simply saying ‘Allah Protect me from their plots, Ya Rabbi protect me’. And as the night approached and I was in my bed, I felt intense fear. I felt the Jinn surface through me, laughing menacingly and boasting what he would do to me. I then cried. And the Jinn laughed even more until-

-Suddenly it began to scream. It began to shout saying ‘Arghhhh they are here! The Angels are here!’ And suddenly the Jinn disappeared inside of me and I had control over myself again. But what happened next shocked me to the core. I don’t know how else to describe this (and I don’t expect everyone to believe me) but, I felt Angels surrounding me. They were invisible to me but I could ‘sense’ them. I suddenly started laughing in joy and I felt an indescribable sense of tranquility. In amazement, I shouted to my Sister and explained. She was bewildered but I could still sense Angels around me. After she left, I was overcome with emotion and I fell into sujood because I had never felt so close to Allah. I cried in amazement to Allah because I knew I was experiencing something incredible from the Unseen. I then heard a calm voice speak to me who said ‘We have been sent from the fourth heaven by Allah to protect you from the Shayateen because Allah Has Heard your cries. You must now do Wudu, read Ayatul Kursi and sleep on your right side and we will stand guard by your side so no Shaytan can harm you in the night.’. Although I hadn’t digested what was happening and I was in complete shock… I slept peacefully. I had not slept so peacefully in a long time.

I know many of you may not believe this and conclude that it was in my mind or a Jinn fooled me. But, I know with full certainty that this was a miracle from Allah. There was a similar incident recorded where a robber was going to kill a man who cried “O Most Loving, O Most Loving, O Owner of the majestic Throne, O Initiator, O Returner, O You Who do whatever You will, I ask You by the Light of Your Countenance which fills the pillars of Your Throne, and I ask You by Your Power by which You control all of Your creation, and I ask You by Your mercy which encompasses all things, there is no god but You, O Helper help me!”. After which, an Angel came in the form of a warrior and saved him.

In fact, the next day I told a close friend of what happened and she actually told me that she had a dream about me the same night and that in this dream, the evil Magician was saying ‘she is protected now!’.

So you see, the Help of Allah is ever so near. It comes in many forms and when the slave calls out in desperation then Allah can send an army to help you. In fact the Jinn in my Sister and I always cry in anger saying that we are protected by Angels by all sides. That the more Qur’ an we recite, the more Angels come to protect us, to listen to the Qur’an. This is the case with all of us, we all have Angel protecting us.

I will say that I still have a long way to go but I feel stronger to fight all of this because I have created a big fortress of defense in my mind- with stronger willpower, self worth and most of all…tawakkul in the Help of Allah. I have witnessed vast things of the Unseen that has strengthened my faith. I now clearly see the Akhirah in my mind…I see my home in Jannah…and I will do anything to get there, in sha Allah. Even if I have to crawl through every struggle, hardship and fight every enemy, I will.

My Brothers and Sisters in Islam who are suffering at the hands of Sihr and Jinn…I beg you, do not allow them to break you. Do you think that you are just a Muslim among many? No! Rather, Allah Subhana Wata’ala knows YOU by your own name and He knows every corner of your heart. And if you have suffered psychologically previously then work to heal this, don’t give the Jinn fuel to hurt you. Once you have built your defense and confidence then attack them with full force. And watch how they flee! Their weak reality will be seen. And remain steadfast upon this path until the cure of Allah arrives. For sure, the Help of Allah is so near. And lastly, call out to Him with full certainty that He WILL come to your rescue.

Draw close to Him in devotion, love and worship in such a way that any Jinn or Human near you can’t help but see the light of Islam.

Ya Rabb, Owner of the heavens and the earth, Owner of every living being, the Owner of every cure, cure us all of this illness that leaves no traces of sickness. Oh the Majestic and Powerful One Who Holds our hearts between Your Hands, Keep us steadfast upon Islam until we meet You. And let the happiest day be when we finally meet You, Ameen ya Rabb. 

Personal Ruqyah Schedule

THE ABSOLUTE MUSTS:

1) Perfect a sound and complete Aqeedah and Intentions. Place complete trust in Allah, be content with Qadr and strive for His Pleasure.
2) Pray all 5 Salah with Sunnah (take care with Wudhu)- absolute must.
3) Complete 100 (SubhanAllah, Alhamdulilaah, Allahuakbar) Adhkar after each Salah.
4) Read Ayatul Kursi and 3 Quls*
5) Read daily ‘La ilaha illallahu wahdahu la shareekalahu lahul mulku walahu hamdu wa huwa ‘ala kulli shay’in Qadeer’ x 100
5) Say ‘Astaghfirullah x 100 daily.
6) Make constant Dua for Shifaa for all of us.
7) Read Morning and Evening Adhkar- absolute must.
8) Avoid all sins, lower gaze, don’t displease Parents.

QUR’AN SCHEDULE:

1) Recite all of Surah Baqarah.
2) Recite Surah Yaseen, Jinn, Rahman, Falaq, Naas, Ikhlaas and any other Ruqyah Ayaat.
3) Do 1 hour Ruqyah session over Sister, using Qur’an, spraying Ruqyah water, beating the Jinn, threatening them to die or leave- this also scares my Jinns.
4) Listen to Audio- Ruqyah Shari’ah, Surah Baqara or Ayatul Kursi on replay x 2/3 hours daily.
5) Apply Ruqyah Oil- twice a day.
6) Ruqya Bath- Fill bucket/bath with 3 cups of Ruqya water and mix with normal water, 3 tsp of Ruqyah oil, 1tbp of Sidr powder, 7 Blackseeds and bathe in this for 15-30 minutes. Inwardly recite the Quls and some Duas and repeatedly spittle into the water.

7) Recite the Quls* anytime throughout the day- unlimited.
8) Recite or listen to Qur’an whenever travelling.
9) Listen to Tafaseer.
10) Learning Quranic Arabic online.
11) Fortnightly Ruqya Session- with trusted Raaqi.
12) Place Mushaf on place of pain- ie shoulder/head (this directly burns Jinn).
13) Use earbuds with Ruqya oil on to clean ears.
14) You can recite and spittle on anything- creams, shampoes, vaseline, oils, clothing, water, vinegers. All this burns the Jinn in sha Allah.

DUA SCHEDULE:

In Salah/Sujood | Friday | After Adhaan | Qiyam | After any good act | After Charity | Anytime- the more the better.

FOOD INTAKE:

1) Start day off with a glass of Ruqyah Zamzam Water (infused with 2tsp of Apple Cider Vinegar, 1tsp of Sea Salt, 1tsp of Ruqyah Olive Oil, 7 Blackseeds). Face Qiblah, say Bismillah, make small dua ‘Oh Allah cure me, No one else can cure me but You’ and drink.

2) Drink 1-3 large cups of Senna Tea before any solid food (Ruqyah water and natural senna leaves until dark brown).
3) Drink Ruqyah water throughout the day.
4) Eat 3-7 Dates.
5) Avoid all junk food, sugary food, fizzy drinks, doubtful food, fried food, food from ‘suspected’ relatives and NO red meat.
6) Restrict diet to- Fish, Chicken, Vegetables, Fruit, Rice, Wholemeal foods, water and tea. *Increase in sour and natural foods such as lime, lemon, ginger, garlic- Jinns HATE it*. So a healthy and moderate diet, eating a third at the most.

7) Recite Quls* and spittle on every meal. Not leave any crumbs.
8) Start every food with ‘Bismillah’ and end with Alhamdulilaah.
9) Cover food at night time and say ‘Bismillah’.
10) Try Green Tea and see if you react.
11) Try drinking some rain water (recite over it and drink) and see if you react.

MIND POWER

1) Read Duas that reflect total tawwakul in Allah (Fortress Muslim).
2) Self Affirmation- positive encouraging phrases counteracting the negative thoughts and confusion from Shaytaan.
3) Talk aloud to the Jinns- threaten them, show them my confidence and strength.
4) Physically list at least 10 blessings that I am grateful for-daily.
5) Make Dua to Allah from the depths of heart until feel Sakeenah.
6) Stay away from Music.
7) Avoid negative people, people who complain, people who put you down, people who shout excessively.
8) Compliment 3 things about myself daily- Physical or inward etc.
9) Remind self of Jannah and promised reward.
10) Avoid focusing on Waswasa- keep distracted.
11) Keep Self Esteem high- don’t put self down.
12) Spare at least 30 minutes to relax and laugh with family- keeps the mind positive.
13) Reward self when complete a good Ruqyah schedule- ie a day out, chocolate (in moderation).
14) Make conscious effort to do more the next day.
15) Never ever despair.
16) Try not to utter what the Shayateen are saying or how they are affecting you- this fills them with pride.
17) Regularly smile and laugh to lighten the heart  

RUQYAH FOR HOUSE

1) No pictures on walls.
2) Keep Qur’an on as much as possible.
3) Little or no T.V
4) ALWAYS read Dua when entering house.
5) Keep house clean and nice smelling- perfume or incense.
6) Close doors and windows at Maghrib time with Basmalah.
7) Nothing signifying Shirk ie Taweez.
8) Keep Toilet door closed.
9) Surah Baqara recited daily or every 3 days minimum.
10) No Music or Musical instruments.
11) Spray corners of Walls with Ruqyah water.
12) Regularly read or put Adhaan on.
13) Avoid taking things off ‘suspected’ relatives- ie gifts, ornaments and food.
14) Put all dolls and teddy bears away (I have been told that Jinn can enter these and spy on you). Creepy.
15) Minimize arguments and fighting.
16) Spread Salam.

MENSES (SISTERS ONLY)

1) Be.on.guard- they try to attack more.
2) Do MORE adhkar where you would normally pray.
3) Recite as much as you can from memory, or even Qur’an off phone etc.
4) Have someone recite on you.
5) Be aware of emotional fluxes- Shayateen want to *make* you excessively upset and angry, feel ugly and fat.
6) Do daily 20 minute refreshing walk.
7) Put lots of Atr on.
8) Apply thick layer of Ruqyah Olive Oil daily
9) Keep yourself surround by good people, avoid isolation.
10) Keep self positive- do things that keep you happy and positive.
11) You are more prone to crying- do it but turn your tears towards Allah and seek His helps. Get it out of the system and move on.
12) Quls, Quls, Quls all all all day!
13) Some chocolate man lol

EXTRAS

1) Hijama (can’t do much as low money).
1) Exercise daily- at least 20 minutes. Walking mainly, Cycling, Swimming.
2) Pray Tahajjud- at least twice a week.
4) Apply Atr- Black/White Musk or any strong smelling Atr. Apply near nostrils and ears.
5) Use Siwaak to brush teeth.
6) Wear all clothes from right side and Basmalah before undressing- Jinn can feel attracted towards you.
7) Carefully dispose of hair and nails and old clothes.
7) Help others in need- as Allah then will help me.
8) Give in small charity regularly.
9) If feel movement in body- pinch or hit that part (should hit Jinn).
10) Light Incense that have been read on.
11) Do as many acts of Ibadah as possible, listen to lectures, learning names of Allah and actively help the Ummah.
12) Keep personal diary- to note all changes, improvements and future goals.

*Quls- Surah Falaq, Nass and Ikhlas.

LASTLY, be consistent, resilient, confident, positive and constantly keep your connection with Allah alive. Be like an elastic band that never tires of springing back even when it is pulled smacked or stretched. Keep eyes on end goal- Jannah with Allah. Jannah with Allah. Jannah with Allah.

And Allah Knows Best.

The End of a Season.

After the realization that all of this turmoil could be related to Magic, I ran to my sister and told her what I thought. And she like me, disagreed at first. It just seemed too impossible. Too barbaric and backwards. Too distant. But didn’t the Diaries of the Exorcist videos describe cases that were happening right now in the UK? Eventually, my Sister could see the possibility that she was afflicted with Magic. It was a hard pill to swallow but atleast we could try to resolve it, in sha Allah. So we used the Ruqyah Audio CD and a Ruqyah booklet that we originally got for our Mother to begin the ruqyah process. It was almost ironic that the very material we bought for the remedy of someone else, we ended up using it for ourselves. And that is the way of life. You never know what trial can befall you so we should always be prepared.

My Sister would listen to the audio alone and I would then recite from the booklet- it contained many ayahs from different Surahs. I learnt that these were the Ayaat of Ruqyah that affect the Jinn the most. We tried this for a few months and nothing significant really happened. Apart from some burping and slight pins and needles. From our naive preconceptions, we were expecting ghoulish Jinns to start screaming and shouting from the beginning. For lights to suddenly start switching off and for doors to slam shut. Like we had seen in Ruqyah videos or old horror movies. It’s shocking how ignorant we were on this subject. Yet, Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala Specifically Gave us this specific test, why? Because, perhaps it was time for us to learn.

You will notice that patients don’t usually react significantly at the beginning. As the Jinns usually be dormant and hidden. They are healthy and have their ‘strength’. They try their best not to ‘surface’ because then the reality of Magic is exposed and then it’s easier to get rid of it. They want you to think that you have gone crazy. They want you to think that it’s a medical illness. They want you to think anything as long as you don’t figure out that it’s Magic. Sihr. Afflicted upon on you by an evil human Shaytaan, a Saahir. Magicians are disgusting lowly creatures who don’t wish to be exposed nor do they wish for their victims to realise their evil handiwork. They hide behind an innocent mask and secretly make the Magic to harm you A’uthoo Billah. Even the Magicians themselves know that they are committing a heinous crime, acts of kuffar and disgusting rituals to please the Shaytaan. Such as bathing in feces and urine for days, sacrificing chicken and lathering their face in the blood or defacing the Qur’an in the worst ways, A’uthoo Billah. It is both sickening and frightening that humans can stoop to such a level. It makes you wonder what level can individuals stoop to, to get a portion of this Dunya. Even the Shaytaan himself will tell the Magician that this is clear Kufr that he is entering, because the he wishes for the Magician to completely enter the state of disbelief- it is most pleasing to these devils.

After voicing our frustrations to a close friend that we haven’t noticed any real reactions, she suggested getting Hijama (Cupping) done as this was known to help patients of Magic. Hijama as many of you will know, is very well known in the Sunnah in helping health conditions and more importantly, Magic problems. The Prophet, sallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, “The best treatment you have is cupping.” (Muslim). The Shayateen detest Hijama because this process draws blood through the thin superficial cuts on the skin. Almost opening a doorway for dirt, toxins and Jinns to leave. And Jinns don’t want to leave. From previous stories, we had heard that Jinns easily surface in Hijama sessions so we were very hopeful that finally we would see a reaction to definitely pinpoint my Sister’s behaviour with Magic.

As the day of the Hijama approached, I was feeling but nervous and excited. Would the Jinn scream and give in? Would it leave through the blood? Was it possible for my Sister to be cured in a few hours? As I had said before, we were very ignorant about this topic. Little did we know that we were still at the very beginning of this journey, that seeking the cure takes a long time…that we had a lot to learn, yet.

Suddenly my Sister burst into my room as if she had seen a ghost. Or perhaps she had glanced at her own empty reflection and realized how ghostlike she looked now? She looked at me and told me that she wasn’t Muslim anymore and that she was doomed to enter the Hellfire. I tried to calm her down and reassure her that these were irrational feelings, that soon she would get better in sha Allah. I hoped she couldn’t hear the panic in my voice. A huge part of me felt out of my depth. This was just too much of what I didn’t know. I put my hopes in this Hijama session. We drove there in silence, both in our own world of thoughts and worries.

As the Hijama specialist began the cupping procedure, she put Surah Baqara on. I tensed up thinking something is about to surface right now but-
Nothing happened. My Sister was as motionless and silent as ever. She did not react in anyway nor did she even flinch when the small incisions were being made. We went home feeling deflated and frustration. I just wanted a clear confirmation that this was Sihr.

We continued doing our small sessions of self Ruqya- around thirty minutes everyday for the next few months. I admit we did this half heartedly and sometimes in quite a rush. Like I said…we weren’t so knowledgeable on this matter nor did we even know for definite that it was Sihr. Another friend then suggested reciting Surah Yaseen repeatedly as this was a powerful Surah and to spittle into a bowl of water and feed this to my Sister. I started reciting and there didn’t seem to be any reaction. But one hour into the recitation my Sister suddenly started hyperventilating. My heart raced because I thought ‘This is it’, that something is surfacing. I myself was petrified. Like most people I had the preconception of Jinns being scary, powerful and harmful. I continued reciting (even though my voice was shaking) and suddenly my Sister’s right arm started moving up and down by itself. By itself. You can imagine how we were feeling since this was the first experience of the unseen. I actually thought of running from the room.

Alhamdulilaah, I regained my composure and continued reciting. After a couple of hours, I dry spat into some water and made her drink it. She let out a very loud gassy burp that sounded like a gas pipe bursting. I also drank some and burped a little. But I didn’t take much notice of this. I was either in denial or just too scared to admit something that I already knew.

Feeling pleased that we had finally witnessed a physical reaction, we decided to continue reciting to see if the Jinn would die. Yes, we thought the Jinn was going to die any minute now. We thought it was that easy. SubhanAllah. I managed to recite for six hours with breaks in between. And her arm continued to move and shake as if it was in torture, getting more violent by the hour. I would sometimes face myself towards her arm and shout at the Jinn to leave. It almost sounds comical. My Sister also felt very sick and almost vomited. Ah so here was the indication that the Magic had been fed.

Now that we knew for certain that it was Sihr, we began searching for a Raaqi- someone who is trained and experienced in ridding Jinn and Sihr by the Will of Allah. We found one in London who was well known and was said to follow the Qur’an and Sunnah so we decided to book an appointment. We weren’t sure of what to expect but we thought that patients are cured in one session. My Sister was overjoyed and hopeful of returning back to normal. I planned to accompany her for moral support and to also get myself checked out. I mean why not since I will be there? I was sure nothing significant would be found in myself anyway.

We travelled to London with a group of friends and anxiously sat in the waiting room. Well actually it was in someone’s living room in a run down flat. We were actually expecting a hospital type clinic. Anyways we were called into another room and told to sat down to prepare ourselves for the session. The Raaqi entered and asked us what our symptoms were. After giving a quick overview, he began to recite Qur’an. Like before, my Sister’s arm began violently moving up and down. I had seen this before so I wasn’t scared anymore. After some time nothing really happened. Was this really it? When would the Jinn surface? How would it sound? How would the Raaqi get it out. What-

-Suddenly, I felt a strange sensation. A mixed feeling of anger and rage building inside of me…my breathing became heavy and I was gasping. Noticing this, the Raaqi got me to sit more close so he could recite near my ear. I suddenly could not stand the sound of the Qur’an recitation. I felt like I hated it! SubhanAllah what was happening? Before I could even take this in…my own arm starting moving up and down. I will admit this openly- I cried like a baby, in fear and panic. Only those afflicted will know what it is like to feel another being ‘possess’ your limbs for the first time. It is truly a memory that you don’t forget. It is as if your limbs move without your permission. Like an invisible force is moving it. The Raaqi continued reciting and both me and my Sister were distressed and our arms were violently moving now. Part of me was in a state of shock. How could I have Magic? How?

‘Eurghghhbhhhhggggh’

I suddenly had a great urge to vomit, it was so urgent and violent that more tears stung my eyes. I retched into a nearby bin and it was if my insides were coming out. This was no ordinary type of ‘feeling sick’. There wasn’t much vomit that came out but I had the feeling of… ‘something wanting to come out from deep within my stomach’.  I had never felt this before. And I did not want to even face what this meant..

The Raaqi stopped reciting after an hour and told us all to rest. He then diagnosed both me and my Sister as having Sihr which seemed to have been fed to us and that we have Jinn residing in our arms.

It has been said out loud.

Sihr. Jinn. Possession.

I just sat there feeling numb and letting this information hit me like a tonne of bricks. It was as if he had told us that we had cancer. Except worse because this was an illness of the unseen involving evil creatures and filthy Magicians. So unknown and scary to us. SubhanAllah how will we cope? What do we do now? How do I sleep at night in the dark?

Many people react in different ways when they are diagnosed. Some go into shock and denial. Some cry profusely until the realization settles in like a calm but heavy breeze. Some are filled with anger and ask the ‘Who? What? Why?’.

Me? I wolfed down a chicken burger and fries. Drowned my sorrows in a can of pepsi. The small joys of comfort eating. I wanted to fill and cover the violent butterflies fluttering in my stomach and numb my mind from even ‘thinking’. We ate and drove back home in silence. Or perhaps I was too exhausted to talk anyway.

Ruqyah hurts.

I felt like I had been hit by a double decker bus. I felt bruised and battered. Funny. My heart also felt bruised and battered too. Ah here came the tears…I looked out of the window not wanting anyone else to see. Because that would mean having to really accept our diagnosis.

Sihr. Jinns. Possession.

Few quiet hours later, we arrived home. We had both agreed to act as normal as possible because there was no way we could tell our family. All hell would break loose. So we plastered on a fake smile and cheery tone and told our family….nothing.

I somehow dragged myself to my room and sat in my usual place on my bed, overlooking the window. The place I had previously sat when I cried my lungs out with feelings of grief and depression. I noticed something bulging from underneath my pillow so I moved it away and guess what I found?

A large golden mango. I looked at it and cried.

Ah…let me explain the story of the mango. My Father and I have a very close relationship- one where I was his little girl and he was my hero. Needless to say I was his favorite. Though he loved all of his children with all his heart, Alhamdulilaah. A very gentle man with a kind nature, MashAllah. Anyways, every summer when it was the season of mangoes; my Father would always buy boxes and boxes of them. It became a tradition in our household. Perhaps he wanted us to have a taste of something from back home in Bangladesh.

What my siblings didn’t know was that there was another tradition between me and Dad. That he would always secretly choose the biggest mango in the box and store it away for me. Later, he would find me and whisper to me as if he was revealing a top secret. Intrigued, I would follow him to a quiet place and act like I didn’t know what he was going to give me. Humoring him. He would then present me this huge golden mango as if he had traveled across the world and found it in a treasure chest- a sign of pure love. May Allah Subhana Wata ‘ala give him a long righteous life, ameen.
And if he couldn’t find me in the house…he would put it underneath my pillow, almost like a child’s game of hide and seek. Waiting for me to find it when I got home.

Ah but Father…those days of play and innocence and carefree summers are gone now. A dark storm has slowly crept over our family. I knew everything was about to change. I knew the earth beneath us would start to shake. I knew some really bad things were about to happen. The season of innocence has gone.

I looked at the mango again, and cried.